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Waiting Mode- The Struggle of Having to Be Patient

Recently I've been on "waiting mode", and I hate it. It requires ALL of my patience, makes me stress and most of all, it forces me to look at the things I've been dealing with from every perspective- good and bad. I'm the kind of person who will make lists when I have an important decision to make. I'll make a list of the pros and cons, pray about whatever my decision is and go with it. But recently, a lot of the decisions in my life have NOT been up to me.

We recently got word from the Marine Corps that there may be a deployment happening- one in which my husband could possibly get deployed. It's been forever since we found out about it (at least it feels like it!), and now we're reaching the end of September with no final answer. If this deployment does happen, he'll leave in December, and all I want to do is prepare for it- but is he even going?! We have no idea, nobody knows the definite answer, so I've been forced to be patient- which is killing me. This one is totally out of my hands. The Marine Corps lately has just been...something else.

I've been waiting another long eternity for my U.S. Citizenship interview, which is another issue entirely. After being in the United States for almost 17 years I finally have a date for my citizenship oath ceremony!  I think out of all the issues I've been dealing with recently, this is probably the one that has caused  me the most stress and worry- and if you've dealt with immigration issues before, you may be or have been on the same boat. I've constantly had thoughts like, "Am I, or could I get deported and have to leave my kids and husband behind?" even though all of my paperwork has been up to date.

At one point I renewed my green card but I never got it. I still don't know till this day f someone stole it from my mailbox or if it was just some mailing issue, but that's probably one of the most stressful things that happened during my immigration process (aside from waiting for my citizenship test date-which I got to on the day of and had no idea I was going to take it that day, but still passed! YAY!).

On top of it all, my second semester of nursing school started about a month ago and I just got a part-time job. Talk about overworking myself! haha This is the way I like to be though. Constantly moving and doing productive things. All of my time is dedicated to taking care of my husband and kids while keeping up with all my school work and managing our home.

I hate to admit it, but I was often finding myself wondering, "What the heck am I doing? and how can I make it better?" because it often felt like things were NOT going my way, or at least not the way I planned. I don't know why I've complained so much, when all I needed to do was shut my mouth and listen instead. There were things I need to change and now after I have changed some of these things it's clear for me to see that God has (and has had) a plan the entire time. I just became blind to it and couldn't see it because I was so focused on unimportant things, some of which are and were too ahead of me.

The last few weeks I've been waking up early, before my kids wake up, in order to read the Book of Mormon, take a shower, get ready and do my make-up and write a to-do list for the day. I know that doesn't seem like a huge thing, but it's changed my life in a way I didn't realize was possible. It just seems that when I prioritize and put God first that everything else fits right into place and works out. I've been so focused on what I wanted and what I planned, that I put the things my Heavenly Father has asked of me aside and did whatever I wanted. I can see the difference now, and I love being able to accomplish so much more in a day. Not only are my goals clearer, but the reason behind them as well.

And that doesn't mean all my problems have gone away-they sure haven't! But now I can handle them better, I know they're not forever, and I also know my Father in Heaven is backing me up, even when I don't feel adequate enough to handle some of these issues myself. Most of the time the Lord sends my husband to comfort me, but other times it's a simple scripture verse, or a 3 second cuddle from my babies to keep me from stressing further about some unimportant issue.

 Life is a struggle, but it's a pretty amazing struggle. Just when I thought "that's it, I'm exhausted" I've received Heavely help and earthly comfort through family and friends. I've turned to the scriptures for guidance and protection, and prayed for understanding. It hasn't been easy- I don't think it ever will be- but it has been SO SO good. I'm beyond blessed to have had the opportunities I've had and love those around me. I can't wait to see how things turn out, so dear time, please hurry!

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